I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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