I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
