she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm at about main and main street
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
