I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
