cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
