We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
