The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it hurts more in the daytime
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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