Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
