he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
