u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bring me that man meat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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