On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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