Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

You know you think of me naked too

(210): View more from Texas

Not since I found Jesus

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(212): View more from New York

True but thats because hes a fetus.

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(209): View more from California

update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

(1-209): View more from California

the house was on fire??

(209): View more from California

shit I thought I told you.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet

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(586): View more from Michigan

I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

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(585): View more from New York

20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing

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(716): View more from New York

my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED

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