I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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