Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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