So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
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He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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