I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
