you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
