I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
