my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
