i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
