please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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