Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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