I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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