I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
