you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
