My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
