These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
