the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
