I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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