Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
