I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am spending my child support on dildos
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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