I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
