I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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