I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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