I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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