pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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