C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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