Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
