Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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