I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
