i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
