Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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