well you can't waste a boner
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
