just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
