I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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