My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
