I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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