you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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