I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
