I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
