The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
