you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found puke in my bra..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize