nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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