Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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