I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
