their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
