If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
whose parrot is this?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
