i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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