420 ftw
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
