This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
