We need to rekindle our bromance
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
