yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
