We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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