wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
