Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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