Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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