She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
