Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I currently don't understand fingers.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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