the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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