Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
