I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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